Skye Prower

Ziona laughed.  "You'll take my word for everything?" she asked.

I wouldn't call them a gimmick, more a handy label of OTT characters.  And of course you shouldn't worry about that when writing.  If you are writing characters as real people, then they shouldn't end up as Sues by definition.    And while I take your point about the fic only being a snap-shot of the characters life, it is the snap-shot you have chosen to show us.  And first impressions do count.

Yeah, judging what is and isn't a Mary-Sue is pretty tricky (especially in Sonic when half the main cast could be classed as such).  I tend to use this test as a good yardstick: http://www.springhole.net/writing/marysue.htm .  And I find there are more.... degrees of Sue-ness as opposed to a straight Yes/No dichotomy.  And I would say not all Sue's follow rule 1.  Many have, if anything, an inverted version.  I.e. thier life has been SO horrible and tragic it would have broken anyone else.  Being adopted by two villains not noted for their generosity can be seen as Sue-ness.  And the Prophecy thing, well, usually when it's foretold someone will 'become powerful' it's a warning light as well. I think my complaint is more.... he appears to have the potential to be a very Mary Sue character, having hallmarks of one. And the second point, the trouble is (especially with the upcoming film) Suicide Squad is too well know to be a Homage, and makes it unfortunately come across as a copy.  I would personally disagree with the use of the Squad name in the Sonic verse, but that is a personal viewpoint, and of course everyone's fics are different. And... having not written a fic myself it could be a little arrogant to sit in judgment like this. As a practice story I would say it is good however.  I did enjoy it.  And the only other thing with it, aside from the two points I mentioned, was there were a few formatting issues, which I suspecte are caused due to it being copied from another source.

Harmony hugged Mark tighter.  "Thank you," she said quietly. ----------- Luna smiled at Dominic's confidence and got into a defensive posture. ----------- "I'm sure they are..." said Ziona, hoping what she said was true. 

"R-really?" asked harmony. ---------- "Now try it against me," said Luna.

Harmony shook her head.  "I shouldn't... pour this on you." --------- Luna watched feeling proud.

"I... I'm sorry, I'm sorry," said Harmony, trying to wipe tears away. ------- "That's great!" said Luna

"To me you're one of the most special people in my world," said Ziona.  "And the other two are a lot smaller than you!"

"It was... my body.... it was broken beyond repair.   Dad... rebuilt me... filled me with metal..." said Harmony, seeming unable to stop now she'd started. ----------- "You're doing great" smiled Luna. ---------- "For me it is!" winked Ziona.  "Cop, remember.  And you're my precious, special Vipey!"

Of course you're not!  

"My father.... he.., put something in my head.  Whatever he or mother told me... I had to obey," said Harmony. -------- Luna smiled back. --------- "I knew it from the moment you scrunched up your cute face!" smiled Ziona.

"I know," said Harmony, hugging Mark tightly, sobbing a little.  "At.. at least... you weren't turned into a puppet." --------- "Yes she is," smiled Luna. -------- Ziona laughed.  "Knew it!"

"I... I know...." said Harmony, staring at her hands. --------- (Luna would have said Zoe.)

"I... didn't... enjoy it... but I had no choice," said Harmony. --------- (*whoops.  Typo!*)

"That... was my old job," said Harmony downcast. --------- "Just as long as your friend Ziona doesn't get mad at you attacking the air," said Luna.

"I understand.  Assassins didn't do it much either," Harmony sighed. ---------- Luna laughed.  "You'll show it who's boss!"

"That's okay.  I imagine ninja's don't do much hugging!" said Harmony. --------- Luna nodded as she watched. ------------ "Horrible, right?" asked Ziona with a smile.

Harmony smiled.  "Not used to hugs?" --------- "Okay Dominic," said Luna.

An interesting fic.  It's good to see a more, for want of a better word, human side to Conquering Storm and Fiona. However, I do have a couple of issues with it.  First the character of Felix/Rising Storm.  An Overlander Kid who is able to provoke maternal feelings in two of the darker female mobian characters in the franchise and be adopted by both?  AND is the center of a prophecy as well?  That screams Mary Sue character. And second, Suicide Squad....?  Leaving aside the using 'suicide' in Sonic,  the idea of a bad guy squad doing missions for the good guys is a good one.  Heck, that's what Team Dark almost is.  But actually using the name from DC comics?  That's not even a homage, that's outright plagiarism. Gotta say I also doubt CS would had the kid back over to Fiona regardless of what happened, but that could be Rouge lying, so I can;t really criticise that.

"Don't worry Mark," said Harmony, giving him a quick hug. ---------- "Either me, or just against the air," said Luna.

"I'm sure you'll manage," said Harmony. -------- "Try attacking now," said Luna.

Huh... dunno how I missed that.... oh well Geoffrey? 

What?  No!  He's my friend!

"Of course," said Ziona, with a light warning look.

"I should hope not," said Ziona.