Posted 6 May 2014 If anyone is interested I do kinda feel like posting Lino's story here. Should I? I do like opinions and such. Though if people do want to see it, be warned. I have my own writing style~ ^^ Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted 6 May 2014 (edited) Do it, share you story with everyone here. Who knows someone might even give you story on how to improve if it needs it or even give someone else ideas. Edit: Meant to say share your story not ideas. Edited 6 May 2014 by blaze2fire Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted 6 May 2014 (edited) Well since I've had good feedback from you guys on my status and stuff... Chapter 1: The Young Knight's Journey "Another pretty good day." Lino thought to himself. The nine year old was looking around out in the plains with the usual yellow grass. The sun was setting as he then blocked an attack with his wooden sword. Block? Yes that's right, he was attacked to the left. He then countered swiftly hitting his friend on his right side. "Gah!" Dart groaned in a bit of pain as he quickly grabbed Lino's toy sword and punched him right in the stomach while in pain, knocking some air out of him. Lino quickly then fell to one knee holding his stomach as his friend had his sword now. Dart quickly threw it away and went in for another punch but Lino quickly dodged right while swinging his left leg as to trip Dart. Dart fell a bit hard as his momentum carried him down with the gravity of the planet. Lino was able to run and recover his sword. He then said gasping for some air, "Come on Dart. You can do better than that." a cocky smile across his face. Dart recovered and remarked "You are lucky that this time we are fighting with weapons instead of just hand-to-hand or I'd own you!" "Hehe... Well at least I'm good with a weapon cuz if I wasn't then you'd always beat me in our spars" Lino replied. Dart suddenly lunged at Lino and there it was, an opening. Reacting quickly Lino lunged forward too and striked while dodging, hitting Dart hard in his gut. Dart fell hard as they both wore each other out. Lino tiredly offered to help his friend up by putting out a hand and Dart reached up and grabbed it. Lino was so worn that it took a lot of strength just to help his friend up. "Ok... you win that one." Dart said gasping for air. "I think.. We should call it a day before it gets too dark." Lino said. "Yeah I agree." Dart admitted. The two then bumped fists with a smile and headed to each others home. As Lino walked back he was looking at his sword and wondered why he loved swords so much, but then remembered it was because they were so cool of course! He continued walking with his obnoxious thoughts and big smile when he suddenly looked up and saw realized that everything around him was getting more red. This made him panic and he started running home. That only made things worse! When he was finally able to see his house, he saw a dark portal above it and that the roof was busted open. He ran towards it and rushed inside. Looking in the living room, he saw many demons surrounding his parents but one in particular was giving orders to them all. His parents were fighting injured and did something that seemed strange to Lino as soon as they saw him enter. Lino didn't know how to react, he was shocked, scared, and almost wanted to run. They looked at him and then at each other and smiled, then slowly disappeared enveloped by light. It also caused the demons to be confused because they weren't there anymore! They seemingly vanished. The confusion soon ended though as the demons saw Lino now all alone. "They left the brat to die all alone. This is too good!" The one ordering them all said. They all began to laugh evilly and then the one that ordered them said with the biggest smile "Kill him.~" Lino was forced to draw his wooden sword but was shaking. Could he take them on? His parents had abilities and experience fighting demons. Why did they leave him alone. What happens if he dies? He doesn't want to die. He wants to live. Tears filled his eyes and he screamed while running towards them, "I don't want to die!" holding his toy sword. Running towards them, everything slowed down. It was the adrenaline. He remembered one thing last second though and then swung his sword at a demon. It was defeated and turned into a shape. His fear was slowly going away and he said in the bravest way as possible the thing he remembered "My parents element... Was Light!". His wooden sword was glowing with an aura that was baby-blue. He had finally unlocked his power, but how much? In any case, his father had shown him classifications of demons and noticed that these are very low ranked ones. His parents must have taken care of all the bigger ones. As the child began fighting for his life, the smile on the demon began to fade, but then began getting bigger again when he got an idea. Swing right, block, counter, right, left, block again. He could do this. After most of the low ranked demons were defeated, the others that were left ran away. "Not bad kid, not bad. Let me... reward you.~" The demon said. Lino could not figure out this demon's classification at all. But then suddenly he couldn't move! He looked down and saw darkness holding him in place. "I'm gonna enjoy this!" the last demon said. He approached Lino slowly getting closer and closer. So close. Too close! Lino then shut his eyes as his fate was sealed but then suddenly opened them. Then demon was gone. Had he left? Suddenly Lino started to move. Wait. He isn't moving on his own! He realized now. He's possessed! The demon spoke to him in his mind. "I don't know if you realized this or not kid. But you kinda have a cute little sister.~" the demon said as he laughed demonically. Then suddenly Lino knew where this was going. He entered his 4 year old sisters room where she was in the closet cowering in fear. How did Lino know that? He had only just entered the room. He realized then that the demon could sense the fear. As Lino unwillingly opened the closet his sister turned around crying. "M-mommy..?" She yelped a bit in fear turning around slowly. She then only saw red glowing eyes as the room was dark. She started screaming in fear and the demon spoke out loud for her to hear. "Yes! Scream more! I love it! Now die child!" He said as he used Lino's body to create a ball of darkness. This was it. Lino was going to kill his own sister. No. He will protect her no matter what!" "G..." Lino managed to get his lips to say. "Oh?" The demon said, surprised by Lino being able to say something. "G... Get..." Lino struggled hard. "!?" The demon was now completely and utterly shocked. "Get... The hell out of me!" Lino yelled as a bright white light filled the room. Suddenly he was alone. Wait, no he wasn't. He saw two images appear slowly. It was his mom and dad. Tears started filling his eyes again and he started to cry and ran into his mom's warm embrace. "Why did you leave me all alone? I was so scared.." Lino said through his tears. His mom began to reply "Oh hunny.. We didn't leave you." She looked down at Lino smiling. "You honestly think we would abandon our own son? You still have some growing up to do that's for sure kid." his dad said with a smile. Looking at his dad, then mom, Lino said "Then where did you go..?" His mom looked at her beloved husband and they smiled at each other. They then backed up a bit and pointed at his heart. "In here." They said and faded away. The bright light in the room faded and the demon was out of Lino. Still, something was lighting the room. Then with a small amount of fear the demon saw Lino. Lino's appearance had changed a bit and clothes had changed to some kind of armor. He was even emitting a white aura. "Pretty..." his little sister said in awe. His parents must have unlocked something inside him early. He was shocked he even had such power. Lino then looked at the demon and said very bravely with tears in his eyes "I'll defeat you." The demon recovered from his state of fear and shock and suddenly was very very angry. "Like hell you will you little Poop!" the demon cursed. The fight then began. Somehow Lino knew he could shoot orbs of Light. He could even fly! Not liked it helped much though because he was facing a demon that was still way too powerful and he did not to know how to use such power. Lino was knocked senseless all over his house and his form faded away. He was knocked down to the ground just sitting there defeated. Just as the demon was about to make a final attack Lino saw an image of his mom. "I... won't lose... I can't!" Lino exclaimed. A real sword then appeared in his hands and he swung at the demon which was sliced in half. The symbol he turned into was so unique. "Huh..?" Lino said as he saw a sword in his hands before it disappeared. Lino passed out hitting the ground hard. Quickly, demon went inside Lino to live. He was then awakened by his crying sister. He noticed for some reason his hair was darker on a broken shard of mirror but didn't question it much. He had to take his sister somewhere safe. With what strength he had, he picked her up and carried her to Dart's house but collapsed as soon as they opened the door. Lino awoke and noticed he was in his friend's bed with some new clothes. He looked around the room in a bit of a daze. His body was way too achy so moving just a little bit hurt a lot, not to mention the injuries he suffered from his first real fight. With demons no less. He just sat in the bed, staring with a blank expression. All he did was think while he stared at the covers. Finally, after some time had gone by, Dart came in the room. “Hey you're awake! I heard from my parents what had happened. They went and checked out your house and saw other people there. I can't believe you survived a demon attack. I mean, I'm glad you did and all but we ARE just kids after all you know?” he said. Lino just gave one nod to show he was listening. “Umm... Well it totally makes me feel like even I can take on demons too! I'd show them who's boss. I'm a beast after all.” Dart said. Still Lino only gave one nod. Dart looked at Lino a bit worriedly and said “Hey... Your parents... Sorry about what happened. There were no signs of their bodies. Who knows what happened to-” “They're ok” Lino interrupted giving only the very smallest hint of a smile then going back to being emotionless. Dart knew Lino well enough to know things would be just fine with him, he just needed time. “If you say so. You hungry? Anything I can get you? Tonight we are buying out. OH! Before I forget you are actually welcome to live here. Isn't that cool? It's like we can be brothers!” Dart said. Suddenly Lino remembered Merie and quickly tried to get out of bed but screamed in great pain, falling onto the floor hard holding his chest. “Dude!” Dart said as he rushed to help his friend back onto the bed “What is that about?” “Merie..” Lino managed to say, groaning in so much pain. “Hey man, don't worry. She's fine see?” Dart said as he points to the doorway. Lino looked closely and saw her hiding a bit, just barely peeking in to see her brother. When she sees him looking at her, she rushes on to the bed crying and says “Big brother I thought you were gonna die like mommy and daddy I was so scared and I thought I was going to be alone and-” Lino suddenly hugged her and she stopped talking and just bawled her eyes out. “Mom and dad are just fine, trust me.” Lino consoled. She just kept crying and through her tears you could just barely hear her say “uh huh”. Dart decided it was best to leave the room. As Lino continued to hug her, he himself started crying again but only softly as to not make his little sister even more sad. When Merie was done crying she went to play with one of Darts action figures. “Did Dart say you could play with those?” Lino asked her. “Uh huh. He said I could play with all his toys!” She said with a little cute smile. Lino thought to him self about how strong she was to be able to smile like that after everything. They no longer had a home or parents. It was just them now. By then Lino decided to leave as soon as he was able to. Injured or not he just couldn't live there while demons were out and about in his world. After Lino was served and ate dinner he went to sleep with his little sister. She was too afraid to sleep anywhere else and felt safe with Lino. When morning came around Lino could actually get out of bed. He could only walk though as the pain was still too great for anything else. He still didn't feel like talking and decided to not say anything else because he was leave first thing next morning. Later in the day Dart and his family took Lino and Merie out to get some clothes. They said to pick a few outfits and then they would all go get some lunch. Merie was happy to get some new clothes and Lino just gave his one nod went off. When they were both done Merie came back with a lot of outfits but Lino only came back with one. They questioned him but he didn't say anything and they just gave up and bought the clothes, then left. When night came around and everyone was sleeping, Lino snuck outside and went to verify something. He put out his hand and then, in a sense, “called out” for that sword that appeared last time during his fight. Then with a small flash of light and glow effects, there it was. He noticed on thing though. The edges of it were rounded. How could he have cut a demon then? Just then he heard someone coming and “willed” the sword to disappear and it did. “What has you out while everyone is asleep?” Lino knew that was Dart's voice. Despite what Dart said, Lino just shrugged. Dart sighed and said “I know things have been rough for you but you can at least talk to me. I am your best friend.” Lino just gave a nod. Dart just gave up and said, “Whatever.” and went back inside. Lino followed and got into bed. Tomorrow's the day. Lino woke up early, got dressed, and ate some food at the house and left. He silently said goodbye and sorry to his sister. His number one thing to do was to check his house for one thing. He finally saw his house in the horizon and began a light jog. Once he arrived he saw all the damage done to his home. He just sighed and went to the ruins of his old room. There is was, under some debris he found his hover-board. Lino saw it was damaged a bit and decided to repair it later at the nearest town. He couldn't risk staying here and being found only to stay at Dart's house. He needed to find the demon who did this to him. Not only that, he now wanted to become a demon hunter. With his new-found resolve he started walking to town. On his way there he realized something. He had no Zol to repair his board or get food (The name of currency in his world). It was time to open a bank account he thought. Then another problem came to mind. How would he get his hands on a DATA (Demon analyzing and trapping apparatus)? Another problem that has to do with Zol. He sighed and just decided to figure it all out when he arrived in town. After all, he is just a kid. After a few hours he arrived in town and went to the nearest bank. He waited in line and then asked to open a bank account. The lady asked “Aren't you a bit young to have one?” Lino quickly thought and said “My... parents what to teach me the value of Zol so I can better understand how it works.” “Smart parents,” The lady said and continued, “What is your name sir?” “Lino Sonarus Blythe.” Lino replied. The lady was typing and her keyboard and noticed something. “Excuse me sir you already have a bank account. Is this one of your little pranks?” She said accusingly. “Wait do I really?” Lino asked confusingly. “Yes you-” She looked at her computer more and called for someone and asked them to get something. Lino waited patiently but was now very curious. The person came back and gave her a envelope. She then gave it to Lino and said “That's for you sir.”. Lino took, then opened it and read the letter inside. He proceeded to read it in his head “You will have some tough times ahead. We didn't mean for things to end up this way but it's just the world we live in. We only hoped to live in peace. Still, if you are reading this, you are smarter than we thought. Well... You are our son after all. Spend this money wisely, and good luck.”. It has a pin number and is signed, Xano Blythe. Lino's dad. He began to cry but suddenly held it in remembering where he was. He thanked the lady real quick and hurried off to an ATM. He checked to see how much he had and was very surprised. Then he said quietly in disbelief “Five... Five million Zol...” (100 Zol transferred to our currency would be 1 dollar). He got off his account on the ATM and went to the nearest shop to buy his DATA. After a few minutes of looking around the owner got curious. “Hey kid, where is your parents?” The owner said. “Oh they are at home. They... Told me to buy a new one of these for my dad because his old one was kinda damaged beyond repair.” Lino said hoping the owner wouldn't see through his lie. The owner then hesitantly said “Well as long as you have the money...”. Lino looked around some more and saw that some had so many features! These things are incredible. Lino asked “Do you have one that can store things from food to... Umm,” He looked at his damaged board in his arms and held it up, “this?”. The owner suddenly knew what was up and replied “Kid, you do know what you are getting yourself into right? Those things kill people. It's dangerous. Not to mention even if you did get one, you would need to clear your identity with the DRPO. The Demon Research and Purification Organization. They won't do that for a kid of your age. What would your parents say if you took this little thing too far?” Lino knew he was caught by now and said with his head down “My parents aren't alive anymore... The demons got them... I didn't run away and I know you thought that because of the way you spoke. Demons got them...”. The owner was surprised and realized that things like this do happen, but for a kid to be a demon hunter. He thought to himself how he is out of his mind for doing this. “Ok listen kid,” The owner said in a “deal” kind of voice, “how about this? I'll get you cleared if you can show me that you can at least defeat a common demon.” “Really?” Lino said hopefully with a smile. “Yes really, just come to the back of the store with me and we'll see what you've got.” the owner said while turning and walking to the back room. Lino eagerly followed and when they got to the back of the store he saw the room looked like a small arena. Lino thought that maybe all demon hunters have to at least do this to get one of the DATA's. “I have a demon stored in my DATA that is low class but this one has an extra element than darkness. It uses fire too. If things look like they are out of hand then I'll defeat it myself and recapture it. Don't get hurt ok?” the owner said regretting his decision to put a kids life on the line. “Don't worry, I can handle it.” Lino said. “Wait, do you even have a weapon?” the owner asked. “Oh, right.” Lino said and willed his blade to come out. “Impressive...” the owner said. He then thought about how skilled the boy must be to have a kind of power like that. “Ok here we go then.” the owner then pushed a few buttons on his DATA and released the demon. “I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!” The demon yelled and hurled a fireball at Lino. Lino quickly dodged and noticed his blade made a gold aura that formed into a blade. That must be how he cut the other demon. The demon then hurled more fireballs and Lino dodged them while moving forward. Dodge right, forward, left, forward, right forward! Lino was at striking distance now and so was the demon! The demon swung down with a firey claw as Lino swung his blade at the same time. Then, the adrenaline again. Lino's heartbeat, the slowness of his and the demon's attack. Lino gave himself an extra push by jumping into his attack, doing a sort of diving slash as to dodge while attacking. Lino was hit! That is to say, the side of his clothes were. He sliced through the demon and didn't get hurt at all. The store owner was impressed by Lino's performance and recaptured the demon. “Wow, ok kid. Let's grab you a DATA.” the owner said. Him and Lino talked about all sorts of DATA's and their functions. In the end, Lino picked one that stored 50 kilo's worth of items in it, could tell time, had a mini GPS, and you could even access your bank with it. Obviously though you had to set a password and everything to keep your money safe. “Can you even afford it kid? It's the second most expensive one.” the owner asked curiously. “Yeah I can, it's only one million Zol.” Lino said nonchalantly. “Only one mil- That is a lot of money you know.” the owner said as he got it ready for Lino to buy. Lino punched in his PIN and bought it then filled in his information. The owner became even more surprised and then said “Ok, well wait a few days before you try to capture any demons ok? I still need to put in a word with the DRPO. Then they just need to input your ID to their network.” “Ok.” Lino replied and began to head out of the shop with his new DATA. “Wait.” the owner said. Lino stopped and turned around. The owner then said one last thing “Don't get killed and make me look bad!”. Lino shot a quick smile and said, “I won't get killed. I'm gonna become everyone's light in the darkness!” then headed out of the store with his obnoxious thoughts of becoming a hero. Let me know what you guys think? Honesty is respected and I may have some spelling or grammar errors in there~ Edited 6 May 2014 by Lino Blythe Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted 6 May 2014 While good, there is one rather large issue with this story I'm afraid. As it stands here, it's hard to know what is going on because a lot of the background information (What are demons, what is the world like, How can people use elements) etc is not present. I know it's in the profile link on your signature, but reading the story 'cold' as it were can be kinda confusing. Oh, and also, I think Lino is now overdrawn by around 5 million Zol. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted 6 May 2014 (edited) I'll be sure to edit it and fix it up Edit: Oh and before I forget, the demons and everyone else get explained a bit later on Edited 6 May 2014 by Lino Blythe Share this post Link to post Share on other sites