Pokeworld

[Geoffrey St John 175]

This is my first attempt at a Pokemon fanfiction so any crit you have would be appreciated.

Prologue: A Journey begins

On a beautiful Sunday morning a young red headed boy was running down a field heading to a small town called Pallet Town. The boy had a smile on his face because today was the day his life would change forever, the day he gets his first pokemon. He had been thinking about this day for so long he knew instantly which pokemon he would pick when he gets to the professor's lab. After running for what seemed like hours Pallet Town ws in sight. He didn't waste a second as he sprinted straight towards the town butwas going so fast he couldn't stop himself when a Rattata ran into his path. Seeing a tree branch just ahead he quickly jumped and used the branch to swing himself over the pokemon and continue his run towards the lab.

Reaching the town the boy slowed down and walked to the lab following the path he learned from his town map. Afer five minutes the boy was at the lab gates when he saw a man in a lab coat waiting there. "Excuse me sir are you Professor Oak?" asked the boy. The man laughed, "No I amhis Aide, The professor is out on his morning rounds and will be back shortly. May I ask what brings you here?" asked the Aide. "My name is James Pyrian, I came here from my home on Cinnabar Island for my first Pokemon" said the boy very excitedly. "Ah yes, we were not expecting you until this afternoon but please follow me" said the Aide as James followed him into the lab.

The Aide took James into the lab waiting room and present him with a hot chocolate. "Thanks Sir but can we get to me getting my first Pokemon now please" said James after taking a sip of the drink he was given. "Sorry James but I am not authorized to distribute Pokemon to new trainers. We will have to wait until Professor Oak gets back" said the Aide causing a didappointed look to appear on James' face. "Your wait is over young man I have returned" said a grey hair man in a lab coat. "Professor, you are back early" said the Aide to which Oak nodded as he approached James. "You are James correct?" asked Oak to which James nodded and smiled.

"I was not expecting you until this afternoon and haven't had chance to prepare Bulbasaur, Charmander and Squirtle yet I'm afraid" said Oak. "It is alright Professor I have already decided on Charmander for my first Pokemon" said James. "I see well then, why don't you follow me to Charmander's habitat here in my lab" said Oak as James quickly jumped onto his feet and rushed to Oak's side. Professor Oak, His Aide and James then proceeded to the part of the Lab designed with fire Pokemon such as Charmander in mind. "Wait here a second while I gather the Charmander" said Oak as he blew in a Charmander Whistle and within seconds a line of ten Charmanders stood before Professor Oak.

"Now then James, why don't you pick which Charmander you would like" said Oak shocking his Aide. "But Professor! It doesn't work that way! You are supposed to examine and pick which one is best suited to be a starter Pokemon for a new trainer" said the Aide. "Yes that is how things normally work but this is a special case. While I was out on my rounds a baby Rattata ran into the path of an young man running at top speed. There was no way he could have stopped himself before reaching the Pokemon and the baby was too scared to move. But thanks to some quick thinking from the young man upon noticing a tree branch he was able to swing himself over the Rattata protecting it from harm. That young man was James here and for quick thinking I believe a reward like picking which Charmander to start his journey with is only fair" said Oak causing James to Blush and the Aide to back off and nodd in agreement.

"Go ahead James, pick your own first Pokemon my boy" said Oak as James gulped and walked up to the Charmander nervous about picking one of them. The first Charmander was quite shy and hid it's face behind it's tail flame. Then second one just seemed pretty normal standing in the famous Charmander pose not really standing out at all. The third and forth were in battle seeming to be trying to prove they are the strongest of the group. The fifth and sixth still seemed quite young and were distracted by the clouds in the sky. The seventh, eighth and ninth were each trying to catch James' attention canceling out each other's attempts while the tenth and final Charmander was leaning on a near by rock seeming not interested in being picked at all. With no idea which to pick James looked back at Oak and his Aide seeming to have a few things on his mind.

"James if you have some questions to ask feel free to do so" said Oak which James nodded to looking at the Charmander then back at Oak. "If I am right the first Charmander is female and doesn't do well under pressure, the second is a very basic male matching the guidelines for start pokemon to a T. The third and forth are both male and are trying to prove they are strongest because they are siblings and the children of the fire Pokemon leader. The fifth and sixth are both female and have only hatched about two months ago. The Seveth and ninth are both male while the eighth is female, the three were hatched at the same time and grew up together,they most likely have seen a few contests andbelieve showing off is the key to being picked. While the tenth is male and doesn't see the point to acting so stupid, not caring if he gets picked or not. From what I can gather you would have picked the second Charmander for me. Am i right Professor?" asked James.

"That is amazing!" Declared the Aide catching James by surprise. "James my boy everything you just said was completely correct. Most trainers can not tell the difference between a male and female Pokemon let alone recognize each pokemon's origin, personality or age with such ease" said Oak quite impressed. "I grew up with Pokemon and have been able to notice such things but professor I still don't know which to pick for my first Pokemon" said a troubled James. "If you can not decide with your head then decide with your heart, close your eyes and think about your perfect Charmander, think about achieving your dream with Charmander at your side. With that in mind think about who that Charmander was when you first met them" said Oak. Taking Oak's advice James did just that and within seconds he knew which Charmander to choose.

[Skye Prower 386]

As no one else seems to want to write up a crit I suppose I should.

That's quite a nice start but, after all, it is only a start, so there is little to comment on in the story itself. However, the layout does make it tricky to read. It would be easier if every time a different character began speaking you started a new line. But that's ascetics rather than a complaint.

I do have one concern however, which is the main character may develop into a Mary Sue (or whatever the male version is called). He's shown to have above average pokemon knowledge AND athletic/reflex abilities, and is highly praised for both. Too much of that and it may lead into bad territory.

[Geoffrey St John 175]

Be aware that is not what I intend for him. Anyway enjoy the next part.

Chapter One: Charmy's Power

"Professor Oak your idea worked, I know which Charmander I would like" said James. "That's wonderful my boy, so which one did you decide on?" asked Oak. "I choose Chamander number ten!" declared James causing the Charmander to jump onto the rock in surprise. "I chose him because he is unique, and has his own ideas about how he should act. I want a friend and a team mate in my pokemon. They are not tools for battle or servants for people to command and overwork. In that Charmander I see a fire which will burn strong just like the flame of my dream. That is why he is my perfect partner" said James rallying Charmander as he walked to James' side like he was agreeing to be his pokemon.

"It looks like Charmander likes you and wants to be your first Pokemon, why don't you follow me with Charmander to collect your Pokedex and Pokeballs while my Aide gets Charmander's for you" said Oak which James quickly agreed as he followed Oak with Charmander at his side. Within three minutes the group was in the center of Oak's lab with the professor himself programing in James' data to the pokedex. "Here you go my boy, your pokedex and the five pokeball on the table next to me are for you as well" said Oak as James picked up the pokeballs and took the pokedex from professor Oak's hand. "Thank you Professor Oak but tell me is there anywhere I can get changed? I would like to get into my journey clothes before recieving Charmander's pokeball" said James. "There is a bathroom through that door on the left you can get changed in there"said professor Oak and James walked through the door.

Ten minutes later Oak's Aide entered the room with Chamander's pokeball in hand. "Here is Charmander's pokeball Professor. But where is James?" asked the Aide. "He is getting changed in the bathroom, give him the pokeball when he emerges. I have to be ready to greet the other new trainer we are expecting today" said Oak before leaving the room. Another five minutes pass and Charmander was getting annoyed at James letting out a loud Growl attack at the bathroom door. Just as the growl passes the door unlocked and swung open. A right foot stepped out revealing a black and red trainer, as the leg emerged a pair of black jeans on it. As the torso came into the light a grey T shirt was visable, there was nothing on the arms but on the hands were a pair of black fingerless gloves. There was nothing on the neck and head other than red spikey hair. In the left hand was a bag which a red bandana was pulled out of. Dropping the bag he tied the bandana around his forehead then using his right foot he kicked the bag back into his hand.

Pulling a large blue Jacket out of the bag he quickly let go of his bag and put the Jacket on catching the bag before it hit the ground. Zipping up his bag he put it on his back and turned to Oak's Aide. "It is time for James Pyrian to begin his pokemon journey with Charmy, his new friend and partner Charmander" said a now different James. "Then here is Charmy's pokeball, and make the Professor proud!" said the Aide in response causing both James and Charmy to smile before looking at each other. "Lets get going! So return Charmy!" Said James as he called Charmy back to his pokeball and proceeded to run out of the lab in a haste but as he stepped through the door he hit something and came tubbling back into the room.

"Are you Alright James?" asked the Aide as he helped James back onto his feet. "Yeah I am I must have hit a wall or something" said James holding his head. "I'm not a wall you Dolt!" Yelled another boy as he walked through the door. He had black hair and was wearing a basic grey Jacket with blue pants and white trainers. "Now calm down Jak, how could he have known you were walking though the door and visaversa" said Oak as he entered after the other boy. "So this is Jak the other boy we were expecting today Professor?" asked the Aide. "Yes could you prepare his Pokedex and Pokeballs. He chosen Bulbasaur as his first pokemon" said Oak to which the Aide nodded and started on the Pokedex. Jak was still mad and realized James was starting out today too. "Hey James was it? How about a battle to test out our Pokemon?" said Jak to which James responding by sending out Charmander.

"Charmander!? Darn you have a type advantage" said Jak as he sent out Bulbasaur. "I wanna see how strong Charmy is so how about we use normal type moves only? I know my Charmander knows Scratch and Growl" said James but Jak seemed uneasy. "Bulbasaur knows Tackle and Growl Jak" said Oak and Jak smiled. "Thanks Professor now James lets fight. Bulbasaur use Tackle!" said Jak as Bulbasaur did. "Dodge and use scratch on Bulbasaur's back right leg" said James as Charmy did. Charmy's scratch hit causing damage to Bulbasaur's leg but it shuck it off. "Tackle again Bulbasaur" said Jak. "Dodge and use scratch on it's other back leg" said James and both Pokemon did as commanded. Scratch once again making contact causing Bulbasaur damage.

Jak was getting angry, "Use Tackle again Bulbasaur!" yelled Jak but as Bulbasaur tried to it failed and ended up tumbling down onto it's face. "Bulbasaur? What happened!?" asked a surprised Jak. "Bulbasaur are very quick pokemon and Tackle is quite effective but in order to lauch a Tackle attack Bulbasaur luanches itself from it's hind legs. By damaging Bulbasaur's legs I took it'sTackle out of the equation making Bulbasaur powerless in this battle. But now to end this Charmy one last powerful Scratch" said James as Charmy used Scratch defeating Bulbasaur earning James his first win. "That was some good planning James, you knew Bulbasaur's weakness and used it as your strength like a pokemon trainer should" said Oak impressed while Jak recalled Bulbasaur and claimed his Pokedex and Pokeballs from Oak's Aide.

"Thank you for the Pokedex and Pokeballs Professor but I must be going now" said Jak. "Now hold on I should check Bulbasaur before you go, he just fought a tough battle" said Oak and Jak handed over the pokeball. Placing the Pokeball into a machine Oak scanned Bulbasaur's condition while James walked up to Jak. "Jak Don't feel bad losing, I did a lot of research on Bulbasaur and Squirtle when I decided to pick Charmander knowing there was a high chance I would face them on my journey. How about when Bulbasaur is good you and I travel together for a while?" asked James surprising Jak. "S...sure that could be good" said Jak who seemed more shy than he was before their battle.

[Lena Stan Account 60]

Well I don't understand much about writing things like this but Nice story.