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A Mobian Fairytale

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In the dark horrible future. Lightning filled the sky while two old sages met up for the first time. United by the young apprentice and his desire to fix the chaos of the past. Edmund the last Echinda, Mammoth Mogul and Silver the Hedgehog united in the ruins of a library. "Speak apprentice, why did you ask us here?" Asked the ancient mammoth.


"Mammoth Mogul and Edmund. I asked you here because of a book I have found which is unlike the others. This book is undamaged and there is no dust in it's pages. The book is called the happy ending. I read this book several times and all it tells is children's stories. It is a book of fairy tales so I called you here to show it to you" said the Silver hedgehog as he passed the book to Edmund.


Three hours passed and the trio had each read the book however only one of them was silent. "These stories are make believe and the book has no meaning" stated Edmund however Mammoth Mogul sighed in responce. "This book has given my old heart quite a shock. The people in these pages are strangers to you both but not I. In my long life I have seen many people and these old sages are among them. The stories are real and now the ink fades away. Look at the back of the book and read aloud what it says" said Mogul as he handed Silver the book.


Silver opened the back of the book and read the passage written on it. "A child's hope fueled by stories of light.  A future that is not a bright.  Quell the darkness by the joy. Of the reading girl or boy. Time shall flow and history shall fade.  Unless the tales are remade. The darkness can control and gloat . Unless the stories are rewrote. A responsibility given to a pure soul . He who casts the right kind of control." Hearing it read aloud Edmund realised it was not just a passage. "That sounded like a prophecy of ruin. What does it mean" said Edmund.


Mogul let out another sigh before speaking once more. "It explains why this future is still in darkness. Chaos magic is immortal and so is the darkness it fuels. This book harnesses the light in hearts and gives the world a happy ending. However she to the chaos and evil in the past caused by many, myself included. The book has used up all it's light meaning the stories inside need to be rewritten in a new way to create new light. Unless that task is complete out world is doomed to never get a happy ending. We are doomed to this dark one even with the past fixed. Silver you must cast Chronos control on the book. It is a big responsibility but only you need a pure heart. You must save the future once again"


Silver was shocked by Mogul's words but Edmund felt the truth in them. "That old fool is right child. His heart is tainted by evil while mine is tainted with hate. You need to help create new fairy tales so we can have our happy endings. We both believe in you so cast your power into the book" said Edmund causing Silver to realise he had to step up. He grabbed his time stone and held it into the book. After taking a deep breath Silver shouted "Chronos Control!"


The book emitted a bright light and the world around him was sucked into the book. The light blinded him and once his sight returned to him, Silver found himself trapped in a room with a nap covering all four walls. In the middle of the room was a table containing the book and a piece of paper. Silver opened the book to find most of the pages empty. And the piece of paper contained a list of names only most was written in a strange language that Silver couldn't read.


After a moment Silver looked around again to notice a chair with a tv on it. Silver moved the chaos towards the table and placed the Tv where the paper once rested . Silver touches the screen and said "how can I rewrite the stories without a pen?" After a moment words appeared on the screen. "Dear Author. It is not you who shall write the stories. You are merely a guide who is meant to help others on the way to their happy endings.  One tale reached it's end without you. Read the new tale and learn what you must do" Silver now knowing the first step was to read the finished take and figure out how to finish the rest.

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Posted (edited)

So far, this is an interesting set up. It quite reminds me of Epic Mickey for Wii.

The theme seems to be about the apparent difference between reality, which is a strong conflict between skeptical "bad endings" view of reality and the optimistic "good endings" view of fairy tales, where cynicism tries to take down anything good left in the world as the established facts and standards; a metaphor for cynical adult vs innocent children in the real world. Even though the story is about "fixing the future" cliche surrounding Silver, the magic book allows a different interpretation where storybooks and past events are being as learning experiences on how to live a life: to either "counteract grim reality" or to "embrace both dark and light to create a new balance". Silver "writing a story" is a symbol for a person making choices in life that creates new path in hope for a better future.

If this is a core theme of the story, be sure use the conflict of "grim reality vs hopeful fairy tale" as the contrasting ideologies to create conflicts, so that Silver's struggle will become more meaningful. Since "writing the book" is the thesis of the story. Silver choices and the consequences of his actions will likely to be the main factors that drives the plot, including chapters that may details his interaction with the people living in the book (i.e. how their lives become better or worse because of his interventions). Silver's actions and outcomes throughout the story will determine the quality of the story, both in-context and how we readers read it.

Here's several problems I have with the draft, though, mainly about the writing style.

1. The speech pattern here is too formal and difficult to read. Even if it's supposed to be a fairy tale, why do people speak like poets in a post-apocalyptic future?
2. The current state of the magic book is not clear. Has the book allowed Silver to jump into the past? Is the book an interactive encyclopedia that records past events? has it let him enter a magic world that somehow connects with reality? Or is it a tool Mogul uses to test Silver's sense of reality? Most of all, what is the "Prophecy of Ruin" and how is it related to the theme of fixing the future/life? You don't need to outright tell what the book or the prophecy are if you want to keep them as mysteries or symbols, but be sure to hint at or touch upon them, so that they can be linked to the message or moral you are planning to tell.

That's all for now. Good luck!

Edited by arekpowalan

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